It’s not a secret I stalked looked around on WordPress for a year before I posted, liked, followed, or commented on a damn thing. I followed a lot of you, lurking on your blogs like a … well, a lurker – for months before even liking anything. I like to know the lay of things before I make an ass of myself. I’m a blast at parties.
Anyhow – I’m twitter-stupid: Twupid. I’d throw it against a wall to make myself feel better, but the only virtual wall I can find is on Facebook and I haven’t quite figured out the schematics of that one.
I have no idea of the protocol of the place, if I’m mentioned in a Tweet do I favorite it, respond in some manner in the little type box thingy, or just smile and pretend I’m famous? How the hell do I find that tweet with my name mentioned if some dumbass deletes the notification? And what the hell IS the favorite button? Is that the Twitter version of “Like”?
Is that # thing like a WordPress tag – so if I wanted other Twupid people to be able to find my tweet I would #twupid it?
And don’t tell me to read the how-to, it would be easier for me everyone if someone just ran it down for me real quick! Plus I’m lazy.
Actually, Twitter is kind of an introvert’s worst cybermare. It’s like the Grand Central of the web. It’s freakin’ crowed, noisy, and that dude talking to himself in the corner kinda freaks me the hell out.
Anyhow – because I’m feeling Twupid and most of the comments on my previous Twitting post agreed they hadn’t a clue – or just found twitter twignorant, I took a few of the terms ramblings from a mum and scottishmomus came up with; added a bunch of my own, threw in a few that exist already and created a dictionary for the illTwitterate which I shall share with you now. Aren’t you absolutely stoked about that?
HEY! I see your cursor hovering over that “X”. Drop the cursor, man. Not on the “X” smartass. Now resign yourself to the rest of this crap brilliance.
Twitter Terms for The Twupid
Twitterate – a Twit that understands Twitter and terms to do with Tweeting
Illtwitterate– Twits who lack understanding of twitter and care not to learn proper usage but make up their own terms, tend to lurk, and plan Twitter rebellions.
Twit – those who use twitter
Twupid – Twitter stupid
Tweet – a message sent to a fellow twit or your Twootdom!
Twootdom – The followers of your tweets
Twitdom – The whole of the Twitterverse
Twitterverse – the hub that be Twitter
Twooter – a twit who tweets
Twooting – sending tweets
Twoo – replying to a tweet(s)
Ex: I have many tweets to twoo to.
Twitimaster – person who has mastered the Twitterverse
Twittertrooper – left blank to protect myself from blasters
Twitmous – Twitter Famous
Twerk — (-ker, -ing, -ed) – a twitter troll
Ex: That Twerk really hurt my feelings
Twijjit – a twittering ijjit. (Usually in conjunction with Twerk)
Ex: That Twijjit Twerkker weally tweaked my twemper.
Twat — (-ter-ted -lure) – A failed/uninteresting tweet.
Ex #1: That tweet was a real twatter dude!
Ex #2: Damn, that tweet was an Epic Twatlure.
Twitless – those living without Twitter
#hashtag – we think it has to do with drugs or food. Or both. We’ll update when we figure it out
@ – used in front of a twit’s name in order to get their attention.
Ex: @who8thedaisies translates to: Yo! Dude, I’m talking at/about you!
And now for the new Twitter Anthem:
Twitimaster (Tune of Rockin’ Robin)
He sits at his lap-top all the night long
Tweetin’ and a-Twittin’ and a typin’ his twoo’s
All the other twits on Twit-ter Street
Love to see notifications tweet tweet tweet
Twitimaster (tweet, tweet, tweet)
Twit, twit, Twitimaster (Tweet, Tweedle –twee-twoo)
‘Cause we all wanna twoo you tonight
(Be glad I stopped there. I almost parodied the whole song)
Well, I think
I’m it’s funny. I’m even impressed that I restrained myself from adding the definition for TwitterTrooper (which you know – Twindaddy – oops, my bad), because that really cracked me up. Or possibly I’m hallucinating and I’m just annoying in which case *nonchalantly looking away* OH LOOK! A SQUIRREL!